‘What time will he be here’, I asked the policeman.

‘Well, he’s visiting the West Pier at some point, and should be here around 3pm,’ was his reply.

‘I may ask him in for a cup of tea then’, I said jokingly, and walked in to the house to tell my husband.

Nick, a staunch Republican ,was uninterested and unimpressed.

I repeated what I’d said to the policeman, and Nick laughed and left for work.

I immediately hoovered the carpet in the front room, got out a silver tray,

and placed cups and saucers on it.

I went to Forfar’s the bakers’s and bought a Victoria sponge cake.

As I had a day off work, I then rang a few friends and asked them if they would like to come to tea, as I was going to invite Prince Charles.

Everyone laughed at me.